So
here it is, the post I’ve been dreading writing the most, my final year at uni
and graduation film: ‘Out of Ashes.’
The
culmination of three years of hard study, blood sweat and far too may tears, the
end of a long struggle, completion of an epic journey, a tale ending not in tragedy
but in success.
Why
then have I been dreading writing this? Well let’s just call it a difficult
year for me, both in and out of university. As an artist I know, I am highly
self-critical but alas, even now revisiting this film makes me wince and cringe
in every possible way.
However
before I launch into reasoning for the above statements, let’s have a look at
some of the artwork, shall we?
Layouts and Backgrounds
So below are the three layouts and final backgrounds that provide the main outdoor
setting for our film. Layouts obviously, are the top three line drawings
and this was technically one layout with a few tweaks to represent the
different seasons. The bottom three are the final rendered backgrounds as they
appear in film. I thought it might be nice to lay these out together for
comparison.
For all you non-animators out there and anyone not in the know, the black ‘holes’ in the bottom of the layout images, are, well, holes actually, one’s specifically shaped for a peg-bar which is used to hold animation paper in place so that many sheets may be layered and correctly aligned.
I
should also clarify, particularly for any new readers that this graduation film was rendered
using charcoal in a method similar to that used by William Kentridge. The
yellow glow is simply what happens when you place a charcoal drawing over a light
box, an interesting effect that we decided to utilize.
Above and below are examples of the interior setting and also display the process with the middle image being how the charcoal rendering looks in natural light or in this instance captured with the light box off.
Now whilst I was director I was also lead background designer, assistant animator and sole renderer for the entire film. Our team was small, actually that’s not true our team was huge to begin with, a rag-tag bunch of folks who didn’t get onto other films and apparently all wanted to alter the entire storyboard to match their own visions, so that was fun.
Our
number blossomed to eight, swiftly shrank to six, then dwindled to four or so dedicated
individuals. By the time we were half way through the year, the only artists really
working were our lead animator, the most wonderfully ditzy Azad Mohammed and myself,
although this is because the two second year students were busy with their own
projects.
We also had a producer for about five minutes one day.
Thankfully, we
did manage to pick up an editor, the charming Chris Alvarez who was also
willing to composite and pick up the slack of producer-related jobs, or that’s
how it read on paper. I’ve no idea what producer-related things he did but
praise be that he slaved over all of the composting and editing! Our sound designer I
never met, however in emails Xan Williams proved to be prompt, very capable and a
pleasure to deal with.
Below
are a final two examples of the backgrounds. Firstly an upshot of the clock, it’s
pendulum is missing because, as a moving part, it required animating.
This second image shows the third setting of our film, the woodshed. The final in this group perhaps looks less complete than the other’s I’ve shown but this is because we knew we were going to animate a light source over the top.
A
bit about team ‘Ash’
So
Azad, or A-Zee as we called him, was a 6ft tall blonde lady in the body of a
black man, I kid you not. He was a well-travelled, religious and energetic, French
speaking, basketball player, a hip-hop, body popping kinda guy who always had a
smile on his face and always managed to make me laugh. I honestly don’t think I
could have survived the year without him!
Here
we are graduating together; he doesn’t drink so that’s imaginary champagne he’s
toasting with.
For anyone wondering how skinny I managed to gain two
stone or so in under a year, this is the fabulous result of a diet constructed
around stress, vodka and fast food, who’d have guessed they’d be bad for your
waistline? :P
*Ahem* Anyway, A-Z
would do the ‘late’ shift, arriving at around midday and staying until the
evening, whilst I would do the 'early' shift, starting around nine or ten and
leaving around four or five. This was probably the biggest mistake; I was
putting in far less hours at the university than I should, but then spending
large amounts of time locked in a tiny dark room hovering over a light box is
enough to send most people screaming for the hills. Of course I worked at home
too, in between Paul O’Grady and whatever else trash television was showing,
still it wasn’t enough.
Also:
Wednesdays. Yep, Wednesday’s were our cursed day together at university, for
one reason or another that little blighter of a mid-week day never produced a
single thing. Both Azad and I would tear through paper, cursing (actually I
think that was just me he was far too polite to swear), so much so that we
ended up dubbing them, ‘Black Wednesdays,’ and would then laugh in that kind of
stir-crazy frustrated artist way at how the day had cursed us every week. Black
Wednesday’s would suck our creativity away, the more we tried, the more excited
and feverishly we attempted to move forward the more it seemed to take away. A
little factoid that spurred me to write a short story about a place called Black
Wednesday Isle, which in turn, as I am sure you recognise, became the title of
my character portrait blog.
Characters
I
had a lot of imagery in my head of the settings but the characters not so much.
This is perhaps because when I write a character that I want people to
transpose themselves into I usually leave a lot of the details blank so that
they can fill in the gaps and identify accordingly. In a way the old man and
boy of the tale were blank faces, one’s that anyone could imagine as their son,
brother, father or grandfather.
This coupled with the sensitive subject matter and my lack of practice in character design made fleshing them out visually a real challenge. I don’t think I will ever be happy with how they finally looked and even less so with how they moved but that is more a combination of technical difficulties with the production method and a mis-match to the vision in my head. As I’m sure the artists out there will agree things are always way better in your head!
Animation
As
I said Azad was lead animator, he did all of the hard work making things move
on reams and reams of ye olde animation paper. I then took his shots and laid
them underneath the singular sheet I was working on in order to copy, capture,
erase and repeat until the shot was complete and the remaining paper looked
like a big black smudge.
Animated shots then had to be taken into compositing
to remove the white paper for each individual frame and laid to match the final
rendered background. This compositing was done by Chris Alvarez, which I am ever
thankful for, my input to rendering ended at the charcoal stage, anything more
and I think I would have literally collapsed.
There was one shot however that I
can lay claim to as being entirely my own in animation and background if not in
compositing. Precious shot no5, I animated, rendered, created the layout, the
background, yeah that shot was my baby; I even did the AfterFX lighting,
thereabouts!
Thus below is my line test for shot 5.
AfterFX
AfterFX
proved to be the camel that broke the horses back. Yes I realise that isn’t how
the saying goes but I assure you trying to work with this bit of software with
zero prior knowledge felt an awful lot like trying to steer a horse mounted
camel.
We
chose to use AfterFX in post-production for lighting on four of the shots to
give the effect of lantern light, as a bright white spot would have been almost
impossible to maintain whilst utilising the Kentridge erasing method of
animating.
However
as this part of production was close to the end of the film and the pressure of
ever-tightening deadlines loomed I will admit it reduced me to tears. Still we
got there in the end. Here’s an example of two of the shots we used AfterFX on
for lighting, they run a bit faster than in the final film I do believe.
Covers
and Film Posters
What? You thought the work ended when we finished the film?
Nope,
we also had to put together a whole bunch of promo material including DVD
covers, disc inlays, film posters and display boards. The display boards were
partly for exhibition at the university but also in case we were nominated or
awarded at a film festival, having a board to show off all your hard work certainly
then is a good idea.
So
here are the two boards and DVD cover we made for ‘Out of Ashes.’
DVD cover
Board 1
Board 2
Board 1 is the better of the two in my opinion, however the second includes some nice
details which clarify our methods somewhat. Bottom left you can also see my
concept oil painting for the project, a painting that is…everyone together now… ‘still
in England!’ Or at least I hope it is as I cannot find a copy of it anywhere on
my hard drive.
Conclusion,
Insights and Link to Film
In
reflection, one thing I learnt is that there is a stark difference between academic
success and the sense of reward when you actually feel successful. Up until
this point in my life, my work was graded and I judged the quality according to
those grades. Upon completion of this course, I realised that the number on the
sheet of paper in front of me was not representative of my work. For starters I
should clarify I was thrilled to pass, and with a 2:2 which although was not
the 2:1 I had hoped for was still in the mid-range of grading and afforded many
congratulatory pats on the back. No, what I loathed was the project itself; the
work spat out the other end looked like nothing more than a nasty globule to me,
a greyish-green lump tarnishing my folio and any possible future I might have in
art.
Of
course that’s all 100% an exaggeration, the melodrama singing loudly in my
brain, mourning the loss of what never was. The film wasn’t bad at all, at
least so my peers told me countless times. In fact it was so ‘not bad’ that it
received a nomination at both the prestigious Edinburgh film festival and one a
trillion miles away in Seoul! Now if that isn’t an honour or a grand form of
hat-tipping recognition then what is?
Still
I was dissatisfied, my hopes for the project were, and still are to this day, dashed,
because to me it missed every point I was trying to make, and I think perhaps I
will always feel that way about it which is a shame. With distance from
university, the project and troubles in general I think I have come to realise
that I see it as a negative reminder as opposed to a piece of artwork. The
problem isn’t with the project so much as the memories it brings to mind. It
makes me think of fatigue and struggling against the odds, of having lofty
ideals and falling from grace and tells me that even perceived success can be tinged
with a sense of failure. It is basically, everything I fear as an artist, personified!
The
positives from this terrible feeling of failure that I and I alone experienced here
is that I finally began to learn how to be less precious with my work. Not
always wearing my heart on my sleeve is invaluable, as is being able to let go
and learn from mistakes as opposed to mulling on them. Knowing when to call it
quits on a problematic sketch and start afresh. Most importantly, realising
that it doesn’t matter if I make one hundred ‘bad’ sketches or awful films
because in the long run the things I learn from doing that are far more
valuable than a graded slip of paper or an inflated ego. Sure I’ve ‘failed’
many times before in life, haven’t we all? My point is that I don’t think I
understood that there were benefits in not always getting it right.
So
in the end I did receive new growth, ‘out of ashes,’ kind of ironic, really.
You can view the final film embedded here:
Or failing that you can find it under the following link on you tube:
'Out of Ashes'
where it is being kindly hosted by our editor :)
'Out of Ashes'
where it is being kindly hosted by our editor :)
Oh
and here’s a couple of obligatory hat-toss images for you featuring all the bright and
brilliant students in our year. I am also in there somewhere, you can play ‘where’s
wally?’ if you like.
Hooray
we’re freeeeee!
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